I've Become So Numb
by ApocalypseMemory
Summary: Parvati: horrible things happened to her in the summer. The rumors, speculations, whispers behind her back. The terrifying 6 hours of her summer comes back to haunt her. DISCLAIMER: I OWE NUTTIN
1. Those things untrue

Parvati Patil walked in the Charms corridors by herself. People looked at her as they walked past. Her sister, once her best friend now walked with her fellow Ravenclaws and whispered nasty things behind her back.

"Look, there she is," hissed a voice.

"Tell us, how did it happen?" asked another.

"Well," said a loud voice from behind her. "It was only that I did better than her on the OWL exams. Way better in fact."

Perfect Padma, she thought. Quit acting like you're all hurt. _I _was the one that got hurt. I didn't even do anything to you.

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be   
feeling so faithless   
lost under the surface   
I don't know what you're expecting of me   
put under the pressure   
of walking in your shoes   
every step that I take is another mistake to you   
_

Parvati denied everything. The speculations, the rumors, she tried to deny the truth. She tried to pretend that nothing had happened. She tried to convince herself that the owl that delivered the exam results delivered it to the wrong person. That is was Padma that did horribly on OWLs, that is was she that got excellent marks. She tried to refuse those thoughts that penetrated her mind, flashbacks that haunted her.

_"Mum look! OWLs results. Oh, I hope I did really well. I did get stuck on the written exams. Oh blimey! Mum, Dad, I did really well. I probably may even put Hermione Granger to shame. What did you get, Parvati?"_

_"...nothing."_

_"Oh come on! Don't be such a wart. Show me what you've got. C'mon, show it to me!"_

_"I...I did just as well as you did, okay? Just has well as you did. Are you satisfied now?"_

_"Just let me see it, Parvati! Let me--"_

_"What the bloody hell did you just do?!"_

_"Well I only wanted to see it. I did better than you did too. Way better. What happened to you? You used to be excellent."_

_"Stop it!"_

_"What now, Parvati? What are you going to do? Wait until I tell Mum and Dad, wait till--"_

_"Rictusempra! Stupefy! Silencio! Crucio! I hate you! Be stunned! Be stunned and never wake up!"_

It wasn't my fault, thought Parvati. I just ran out. I ran until I could go no further. It wasn't my fault that I...

Parvati's ice cold fingers touched her belly. Parvati denied the obvious. She denied that her stomach had started to swell. It was much bigger than it was two months ago.

"I never wanted it to happen okay?" she yelled back at those staring eyes.

"You did it, didn't you? You were on a rampage. Went too far with a guy. I'd never thought you'd be that kind of person, sister. I mean. You could have stopped it. You could have just told him that you wanted to stop. No, you let him go as far as he wanted. You went far too. Now look at you. You're pitiful. You're pregnant.

Parvati felt her eyes well up with tears and ran to the girl's lavatory. Luckily for her, there was nobody there. "You don't know," she whispered. "You thought I did it. I didn't! He raped me. I was screaming, writhing. I was no match for him. Why did I even go to that house? Why did I take the Knight Bus and end up in Little Hangleton? Why did I even venture out to that big old house with overgrown shrubs? He raped me. I could stop it. I was no match for _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._

_I've   
become so numb   
I can't feel you there   
become so tired   
so much more aware   
I'm becoming this   
all I want to do   
is be more like me   
and be less like you_

(Linkin Park: Numb)


	2. I Deny It

Parvati choked down her last sobs, rinsed her hands, and combed out her long shiny hair. Then she heard the talk of excited voiced behind the door.

"Oh...Parvati," said the girl with the flaming red hair. "So tell me, I want to hear it from you. What _really_ happened?" Ginny, who was nice and friendly to Parvati had turned into one of _them._ Her older brother, Ron, and taken to listening to Padma's horrible rumors that not only did he avoid her, he also speculated along with the other students. Parvati felt that the whole school was alienating her, which was an obvious of course.

"Yeah, tell us. You know we're your friends, right? Ginny's stating the obvious. We want to hear. The stuff Padma told us, they're true right? I mean, she wouldn't make things up," pressed Lavender.

Parvati looked at the two girls in disbelief. Her fellow Gryffindors? She had thought that they would be the first to stand by her, to defend her, telling the whole school that those "firsthand accounts" were lies.

"Don't bother me." Parvati ran out the bathroom. Her pounding feet didn't stop her from hearing the words uttered by her once good friends.

"Must be true, Lavender. She's not telling us anything. Blimey, the common room tonight is going to be a riot!"

_can't you see that you're smothering me   
holding too tightly   
afraid to lose control   
cause everything that you thought i would be   
has fallen apart right in front of you _

caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow   
every step that i take is another mistake to you   
caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow   
and every second i waste is more than i can take

Nobody knew what really happened. She had tried to tell Padma the week after, but her own twin didn't believe her. Her own twin, her _likeness _had made up ideas about her sister's six hour disappearances, filling up the huge gaps with stories of her own. Padma liked the publicity. You love it, don't you? Parvati bitterly thought. The only people relatively nice enough to her were only Hermione and Harry. But even Hermione seemed distant at times; even Hermione listened with wide eyes and an opened mouth. Parvati felt her eyes blur with tears again. She could taste her tears. Everything was blurry now; she couldn't see where she was going. A sudden jolt knocked the reality back into her.

"Hey Parvati."

"Harry...and...and Ron," she stammered.

"What are you doing here?" asked Ron unkindly.

"Oh be nice Ron. I'll meet up with you later."

"Um...yeah, so you can have a private chat with...with her." Ron raised his eyebrows. "You actually believe her? Blimey, you're thick!"

"Look Ron, I don't believe a word Parvati's been telling everyone." Parvati's heart sank. SO Harry didn't believe anything she told him at all.

"I'll see you Harry. Reminds me, I've got to do that essay for Snape."

Harry and Parvati walked five minutes in silence.

"I believe you, Parvati. I really do. You're not mad at me, are you? I only said that to get Ron out of our way. I understand what Voldemort is capable of. I dueled with him in fourth year, remember?" Parvati flinched.

"So those things everybody's saying about me, you don't believe a single word. You don't believe it? Except...except that I did terrible on the OWL exams." Parvati knew that her life was ruined. Those low scores on OWLs, and now...now _this_. Parvati had tried to convince herself that the only reason why her stomach had been swelling was only because she ate too much. Her parents had taken her to St. Mungo's to confirm the truth. At home, they read the results. It was everything she had feared. That little slip of paper confirmed everything, that..._thing_ in her stomach was alive. And it was **_his _**child. Her parents had nearly disowned her. Her sister had turned against her. Her friends had become distant. 'How could she do such a thing?' The Slytherins jeered and ridiculed her. Her. Parvati Patil. The mother of **_his_** child? Their shocked faces gave way to laughter. A weakling like her.

"Why don't we go to the common room? It's usually empty now, since we're on lunch break."

Parvati nodded. At least she had one friend she could talk to. However, they were impeded by a gang of Slytherins led by a tall menacing figure with white blond hair.


	3. Death would be a reward

_So how long has it been since I last updated? I was planning on ditching my stories, but absolute total boredom can make people do things…_

_Oh wow, it's been like half a year, LOL. Time goes by way too fast. sniffles_

_Well anyway, sorry if the time and characters aren't like chronological, I forgot what I was planning to write about already, and wow, I think this one will turn into one of those sappy love stories. Oh dear…_

_And yes, I know, all my entries are short. _

_So uhh…do y'alls think this whole thing should have a happy ending or a tragic one?_

_I got all summer. After all, people need things to do when they sit in SAT prep classes. TT_

_ 3_

"Well well…" grinned Malfoy.

"Shove off," snarled Harry. All Parvati could do was cower behind her friend.

"Why is she hiding behind you like that? You know, I can see her watermelon tummy poking out behind your robes." The Slytherins sniggered, and Pansy let out a giggly squeal.

"Well yeah," argued Harry. "I could smell you a mile away since your mum's stench would have rubbed off on you, mummy's boy." He put an arm around Parvati. "C'mon Parvati, let's go."

Harry stalked off, with Parvati following at his heels. "So umm," started Parvati timidly. "Why did you believe me and not the others?"

"You may think that I'm one of them, but you know, I've experienced what you have. I may have been a baby, I may not remember, but I remember my parents screams. Their pain. Their agony. How could anyone have consented to Voldemort? I feel your pain, Parvati…I feel your pain…"

_Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_

They stopped by the Fat Lady's portrait. "Tealeaves."

"Hey, said Harry." Hold on a bit, will you? I've got to put my bag away, I'll be right down."

Parvati picked an armchair and sat there. She gazed at the fire, the flames seeming to reach and grab her. Grab her…

_Those hands…that force…_

"_Stop…stop…"_

_Bruises forming on her body..._

_That cruel laughter…_

_Her heart pounding…pounding so loud…pounding like synchronized drum beats._

_Those slitty eyes…_

"_Why me? Out of everyone? Why did it have to happen to me?"_

_Convulsions…_

"Parvati! Parvati!"

Parvati opened her eyes. She was curled up in a tight ball, on the floor with her hands clenched so tightly that her nails dug into her skin, crescent red shapes formed on her palms, bloody trickling down. Parvati gasped, her breath coming out ragged and uneven.

"Parvati, oh Parvati," Harry picked up Parvati from the floor and cradled her in his arms.

"Oh Harry," she whispered. "I heard him…"

"It's okay, Parvati. It's okay. He can't hurt you here. You're safe."

Parvati didn't feel safe.

"_What are you so worried about, Parvati? You think someone's going to hurt you or something when you're out alone? Lighten up. You're going to be fine. You're pretty safe."_

How ironic it was. Pretty safe, she thought. But not safe enough…

Parvati had trusted her sister. Weren't they best friends? They looked exactly like each other anyways?

Parvati burst into tears. Her world had crumbled. Death would be a reward wouldn't it?

_And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_


End file.
